Begin Again
by Annie Dash
Summary: How did Beck and Jade meet? Discover it in this story. And discover how their relationship progressed before Tori came in.
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Victorious. If I did, the show would focus far more on Beck and Jade because in my opinion, they're the two deepest characters on the show. And they're my OTP. I don't know for sure where I'm going with this, but I'm going to include my head-canon on how Beck and Jade met.

Also, I apologize to anyone who read this before I worked out the paragraph divisions. :P

Prologue

She was the girl who sat alone in the classroom, doodling pictures of skulls and unicorns in all her notebooks. The pages were filled with monsters, rainbows, lyrics, and poems. Stories took up entire pages and inspirational quotes were written in corners and margins. Her long brown hair covered most of her face and her jewelry and clothing were almost all black. The freshman was not of the typical, naive, annoying variety. She just never uttered a word.

He was the boy who was constantly surrounded by beautiful, blonde, stupid cheerleaders. They never left him alone, so he never had the peace of mind he always desired. His beautiful dark brown hair easily surpassed society's high standards for teenage boys' appearances with flying colors. His creamy tan skin was the only thing a girl's lips wanted to touch and his brown eyes were pools of chocolate, waiting to dissolve in your mouth.

Jade hated him. The very looks of that boy was enough to turn her off. A perfect boy was not something foreseeable in her future, especially a boy as fake as that one. It was far easier to simply sit back and draw, as opposed to dwelling on someone who would never love her back. No one would ever love her.

Beck noticed the girl, but never mustered the courage he needed to walk up to her and compliment her stunning blue-green eyes. She gave off forbidding vibes, which tempted everyone to stay away, except Beck. He was in awe of her beauty that called attention to itself, simply by being almost unnoticeable.

And he wondered what she wrote as she hid behind her notebooks with lovely images of dark oceans, swirling storms, and deep eyes and inspirational messages plastered artistically on the front and back covers.


	2. Through the Windows

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah I don't own Victorious.

Reviews are greatly appreciated. I doubt I'll upload another chapter until I receive at least a few reviews. :P

Chapter 1

"Class dismissed! Enjoy your end of week excursions! Please, try entering through the window on Monday!" Sikowitz shouted, tossing a coconut in the air behind him, only for it to splatter on the whiteboard, spilling milk and bits of shell everywhere. He glanced at the students leaving the classroom and called to the last one, "Oliver, help me clean up!"

Beck turned around and chuckled, taking a paper towel from the roll sitting on the bookshelf and helped Sikowitz clean up. The job only took five minutes, but Sikowitz called Beck to have what he called "a little discussion."

"Oliver, you haven't been acting quite like yourself as of late. Have you been alright?"

The teenage boy reddened noticeably. Was his behavior since realizing the full extent of his crush on Jade that obvious? "There's this girl…" he began.

"Ah, the wonders of young love blossoming in your little garden of a mind." Sikowitz smiled as though reminiscing and digging up fond memories.

"Is it really love when she doesn't care about my existence and probably hates me?"

"Well, it depends. How do you feel about her?"

"She's the most beautiful, stunning girl I've ever laid eyes on. Her eyes are deep, her voice soothes me, and even though the only color she wears is black, she's always the first thing that captures my attention. She's my rainbow in a world of gravestones." It felt strange and almost cliche admitting it, but his words gave Beck a sense of newfound confidence and self-assurance. He really loved Jade West.

"Ah, you have a crush on Miss West. She's talked to me on several occasions about….er, complications going on in her life. Quite a deep individual, if I may say so myself. However, be warned, she can be a tad feisty and emotional and is definitely a tough one to manage. But Mr. Oliver, I can promise you that if you see it through and support her, you could make a relationship with her work out and be well worth what you may have to give up for her. You, more than any other student I teach, have the full potential to rise up to the challenge. I place my full confidence in you."

"Thanks, Sikowitz. I appreciate the advice." Beck got up to leave, running a hand through his dark locks as he walked towards the exit. Something lying on one of the chairs caught his eye. "That's hers," he said, pointing.

Sure enough, it was a notebook with pictures of the ocean and skulls glued to the cover, along with Jimi Hendrix, Joe Perry, and Axl Rose quotes in neat, calligraphic handwriting inscribed in every spare space. The name "Jade West" was written in smooth cursive at the top.

Sikowitz glanced at the notebook. "So be it. You're correct, Beckett. Why don't you give it to her? It may give you a fine opportunity to become acquainted with her."

Beck grinned and left the room, holding the notebook under his left arm and shouldering his red and black messenger bag over his right one.

The second he left the room, his eyes caught a black-clad figure with a black messenger bag and a sticker portraying a cream skull with pink roses surrounding it stuck onto the fabric. Brown hair with a few dark blue and pale white streaks easily gave away the person's identity: Jade West.

Impulsively, without even a moment's consideration, Beck followed the girl, maintaining what he considered a safe distance: about thirty feet. He followed his crush through the hallways, out the door of the school, and all the way home, silently, so as to not give away his existence. The street she lived on was only three miles from the school and only four blocks away from Beck's house, a very easy walk. He almost yelled at her so he could give her the notebook before she entered the door, but he couldn't get up the nerve.

Instead, the boy snuck around the building until he found a window through which he could glimpse into the life of Jade. The large kitchen held the teenage girl and her strict looking father, clothed in a nice business suit and red and white striped tie. She looked out of place in her black Misfits t-shirt, skinny jeans, and studded combat boots, as the kitchen was quite fancy: smooth, wooden cherry cupboards, a fancy marble counter, and a newly furnished, shiny wood floor. Stainless steel appliances completed the richly decorated room.

"Jade. I looked at your math grades," the man said rather loudly.

The girl kept her head down, staring at her feet.

"Look me in the eye when I'm speaking to you."

She glanced up and scowled at him. He strode over to her and slapped her across the cheek. "Get those grades up or I will take you out of that horrible arts school. That program has turned you into an unsympathetic, lazy little bitch. Ever since this whole acting business began, you've been nothing but rude to everyone."

"I hate you," she replied. With that, he shoved her into a cupboard, causing her to groan in pain. He slapped her in the face one more time and stomped out of the room.

Beck ran home.


	3. Last Three Pages

Disclaimer: I'm not Dan Schneider and I don't own Victorious, etc. etc. etc.

An enormous shoutout goes to GothicGillian for giving me the nicest review I've ever received! :) It means so much to me since I really want a career as a writer someday. Thank you so much! And yes, the title was inspired by the Taylor Swift song, but it also has a lot to do with how the story is going to end. Both of my two ideas for the ending have to do with the title.

Reviews greatly appreciated! I love being told all about what an amazing writer I am! This chapter strays a bit from the Bade storyline at the beginning, but I think it's necessary. And quite interesting. More about Beck's family in future chapters.

Anything from Jade's journal in quotes wasn't written by me.

Also, if you're interested, I wrote this chapter to Nothing Else Matters by Metallica and Since You've Been Gone by Rainbow, so give them a listen if you'd like while reading. :)

**Important A/N: I will have an important Author's Note at the end. Please read it.**

Chapter 2

_He slapped her in the face one more time and stomped out of the room._

_Beck ran home._

He didn't stop running until he reached the light blue wooden door at the front of the large red brick house. Yanking open the door, the boy was forced to stop moving when he crashed into someone else.

"Hey, little bro. Aunt Sophie's over to visit again. Her husband walked out on her. Again," his sister Marielle stated. "I'm on my way out to see Tony and Nicole." Tony was Marielle's boyfriend of six months and Nicole doubled as his twin sister and her best friend.

"What, is this the fifth husband who's left her?"

"Fourth. And I have to get out of there before mom ropes me into staying. I'll be back sometime Sunday."

Beck's Aunt Sophie had a bad history with dating abusive alcoholics. His mother's twin sister looked exactly like her, right down to her fierce blue-grey eyes and dimple on her right cheek but was the polar opposite in terms of personality. Attachment issues were an enormous obstacle for her, and every person she grew attached to hurt her in the end. Meanwhile, Beck's mother possessed an independence, almost a fierceness, unknown to her twin. She was tough and rarely relied on her husband for emotional or financial support. Taylor Grey Oliver needed no one. Just like her son.

Before he could be forced into the kitchen and accosted with questions about his day, Beck raced upstairs to his room in order to read Jade's notebook. Curiosity always killed the cat, and he was fine with being a dead man if his sole crime was reading a piece of literature greater than the works of Shakespeare, Hemingway, and Poe combined.

Quotes from the cover jumbled and mixed in his mind:

"From the inside I didn't think anything was wrong. But from the outside everything. The focus is completely gone. If I kept a journal, I couldn't do a better job of showing exactly when we started to go south. Especially because I was too fucked up to actually keep a diary. The Beatles made their White Album; we made our black-out album."

-Joe Perry

"The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it's only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That's the only lasting thing you can create."

-Chuck Palahniuk

"Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way."

-Axl Rose

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky."

-Jimi Hendrix

After reading every single quote, he flipped around the notebook to see what Jade wrote about. Stories, poems, drawings, beginnings of novels to endings of unicorn tails. Everything she wrote spoke to him in unspeakable ways. Each word passed through his brain, filtered through his soul, and faltered to the ground, rebirthing through its dead ashes like a phoenix rising up. They all spoke at different volumes, ran to different beats, and the sentences all had different major and minor keys taking words up and down the scales. But every word was just as meaningful as the last.

Until the last few pages.

The last few pages had been written within the past 24 hours. Each one had a date and time written at the top in golden script.

They read:

I fell off the edge of the world today.

I jumped in a cavernous gloom.

Trying to escape the pinkness,

Leaving the world so soon.

"Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore."

"In case you didn't know, dead people don't bleed. If you can bleed-see it, feel it-then you know you're alive. It's irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder."

-Amy Efraw

I cut because I was still alive. A little punishment of sorts because I was disgracing people with my presence for yet another horrible day. I hated myself for hurting my body, destroying the only thing that was truly mine.

But when the scars formed and the flesh healed up, I hated myself even more.

"Suicide is the dumbest possible way of getting revenge. Why is that? Because the people you want to strike back at are the very same folks who won't even remember you a week after you're gone, while the people you want to spare most - the people who love you - are the ones who will have to live with the pain of your suicide for the rest of their lives."

And no one loves me so I guess this is ok.

Devious angels sent from afar.

Malignant devils setting the bar.

Look at this wreckage, see what we've done.

No one can honestly say we've won.

But I still think it's beautiful.

You roamed for years to discover your soul.

Your only goal was to never grow old.

Roaming and wandering; it all looks the same.

You never achieved an infinite fame.

But I still think you're beautiful.

I found a gorgeous garden and picked flowers just for you.

I suppose a voice in my mind told me you loved roses too.

The roses wilted and died,

Cause that's what roses do.

But I still think they're beautiful.

There's nothing that makes me happy,

And everything makes me cry.

I'm alone and secluded in the world,

And I truly wish I could die.

But I still think I'm beautiful.

"Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Chops"

because that was the name of his dog

And that's what it was all about

And his teacher gave him an A

and a gold star

And his mother hung it on the kitchen door

and read it to his aunts

That was the year Father Tracy

took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus

And his little sister was born

with tiny toenails and no hair

And his mother and father kissed a lot

And the girl around the corner sent him a

Valentine signed with a row of X's

and he had to ask his father what the X's meant

And his father always tucked him in bed at night

And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Autumn"

because that was the name of the season

And that's what it was all about

And his teacher gave him an A

and asked him to write more clearly

And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because of its new paint

And the kids told him

that Father Tracy smoked cigars

And left butts on the pews

And sometimes they would burn holes

That was the year his sister got glasses

with thick lenses and black frames

And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus

And the kids told him why

his mother and father kissed a lot

And his father never tucked him in bed at night

And his father got mad

when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook

he wrote a poem

And he called it "Innocence: A Question"

because that was the question about his girl

And that's what it was all about

And his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look

And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door

because he never showed her

That was the year that Father Tracy died

And he forgot how the end

of the Apostle's Creed went

And he caught his sister

making out on the back porch

And his mother and father never kissed

or even talked

And the girl around the corner

wore too much makeup

That made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway

because that was the thing to do

And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed

his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag

he tried another poem

And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"

Because that's what it was really all about

And he gave himself an A

and a slash on each damned wrist

And he hung it on the bathroom door

because this time he didn't think

he could reach the kitchen."

-Stephen Chbosky

It was fun while it lasted.

It was cool that you stayed.

It was nice when we cared.

And it was sweet that you prayed.

I begged for you to leave me;

You insisted you'd never go.

I wept and moaned and screamed;

You hugged and kissed and loved.

In the depths of the moonlight,

You whispered my name,

Said I deserved this,

I cried just the same.

On the edge of the ocean,

On a deep summer's night,

You said you had to leave.

I agreed it was right.

You promised to come back.

I assured you it wasn't needed.

And you never came back.

Because there wasn't anything to come back to.

"It's better to burn out than to fade away."

-Kurt Cobain

And I'm blowing my own candle out tonight.

The last few pages made it clear.

Jade West wanted to kill herself.

**A/N: So this is probably one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever written. All those notebook entries were difficult to write in one sitting. The series of entries were jumbled, like Jade's thoughts were when she wrote them. Now, although Jade's clearly suicidal, I by no means feel the way she does and by no means encourage it as a method of escape from a bad situation. So please, if you feel this way, contact a trusted friend or family member or call a suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255. Thank you for reading and sorry this is so sad.**


	4. Sophie

**Hi! Sorry it's been forever since I've updated! :( I have no good excuses. xD I've been busy.**

**I wrote this chapter to Five Finger Death Punch's cover of House of the Rising Sun and Savior and Ready to Fall by Rise Against. This chapter will focus more on Beck's family than Beck and Jade.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Duh.**

**Ephainygrey: I appreciate your review. I was torn between adding the hotline's number and not adding it, as I didn't want to make the chapter seem like too much of a public service announcement for suicide, yet I didn't want anyone hurting themselves because of what I wrote. Your review served as a confirmation that I made the correct choice. I believe that authors need to realize how much of an affect their writing has on readers and must take any precautions necessary to prevent their readers from harming themselves because of messages sent in the writing.**

**Yo Elizabeth: I appreciate your review too! I had issues with suicidal thoughts in the past and chapter 3 was written with the combination of horrible memories of how I felt back then, without all the angst I've grown out of in time. If you'd ever like to talk about anything at all, please PM me! I adore helping people! :) And you saw Metallica live? I'm SOO jealous.**

**Also, in later chapters I might switch between Beck and Jade's POVs. I will always warn you if it happens. Here's chapter 3. :)**

Chapter 3

"I'm not disparaging suicides when I call them weak, I'm pointing out that anybody who would consider doing a thing like that needs help. I don't think a normal, mentally healthy person commits suicide."

~Jesse Ventura

_The last few pages made it clear._

_Jade West wanted to kill herself._

As he paced his room, mind torn between figuring out Jade's phone number and calling her immediately to talk about her problems and getting the sleep he desperately needed to overcome his fatigue. He chose sleep, assuming that Jade would never go through with a suicide attempt if she couldn't find the journal she wrote her deeply personal thoughts in. Thinking about it, he decided that she might want to leave the journal behind as something of an explanation for her action. The only other alternative would be calling the cops, but Beck highly doubted Jade's father would take that situation well. He chose to wait until Monday before school when he would return the journal and speak to her, refusing to take no for an answer.

Thus, Beck fell asleep in his clothes, as usual, but that night he fell asleep while reading Jade's writing, so as far as he was concerned, it was just about the best eight hours of sleep he could imagine. He dreamed about demons, ghosts, and phoenixes, of being reborn, only to die again and again, and about teenage girls rising up from the ashes of hatred and depression, only to be forced into overcoming torment again. The sleep was restless, yet Beck loved it.

Beck woke up bright and early on Saturday, bleary and confused, wearing a light blue plaid, wrinkled shirt and dark blue jeans. Rolling out of bed, he began walking to the kitchen for a meal. The only person there was Sophie, who stood leaning on the counter, sobbing, clutching something in her hand.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Beck asked worriedly. Although his mom's sister frequently cried uncontrollably at the drop of a hat, this seemed far worse than usual.

Sophie didn't look at him, instead simply handing him the object she held.

An early pregnancy test.

"Positive," Beck breathed. "Did Paul do this to you? If he did, I'm going to find that douchebag and punch the lights out of him. You do not deserve to be reduced to tears and impregnated by some guy who never deserved you in the first place."

Without glancing up, she nodded and began sobbing even harder.

"Do you want to tell mom yet?"

In an effort to regain her composure, Sophie straightened up and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I don't know. I haven't decided if I should even keep it, but I think I should. An abortion would be wrong, especially since I chose to have sex with him. I understand if you want to tell your mother right away."

Beck shook his head. "No. When mom finds out is your decision, but I definitely don't want you getting an abortion. Killing the kid is just wrong, but maybe putting it up for adoption would be reasonable. We'll think about that later. For now, you just have to compose yourself. Let me get you something to drink." He poured her a glass of water and led her to the table so she could sit. After taking a few deep breaths and a few sips of water, she looked much better, although tear-stained. "Clean up your face before mom wakes up. You probably only have another ten minutes."

Sophie nodded. "Thank you. I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything. Family's family. We help each other out whenever anyone needs it and we don't expect anything in return. It's called love for a reason. But if you really think you owe me, I may need to talk to you about something that's on my mind. Would you like to go out for coffee this afternoon and have a venting session?"

"Of course."

"I'll have a raspberry iced tea and a chocolate chip scone," Beck stated casually to the cashier.

"And I'd like a vanilla latte please," Sophie requested.

Another worker quickly made the latte and the iced tea, and within ten minutes, Beck and Sophie were sitting down chatting.

"Well, you know all about what's going on in my life. Now tell me about what's happening in yours," Sophie began.

"There's this girl. And I barely know her, but I think she seems like the most amazing, deep person in the world. The only problem is that I found her notebook that she left in class yesterday, and I read it, which is kind of snooping. In addition to that, she writes a lot of poetry and stories that revolve around suicide and death, and I'm honestly terrified that she might kill herself. Even though I almost never talk to her, I would do anything to have the chance to help her, but I don't know what to do. I'm scared she'll get mad at me for reading her notebook, and I don't want to call the cops about it because she has a tough home life already."

Sophie took a deep breath. "Since I haven't ready any of the things she's written, I can't tell you for certain what to do. I honestly think that if you're worried about her, you need to do something though. You could go to a trusted teacher, or you can just talk to her in person, whatever will help the most. But it sounds like with a girl like this, the best idea is to have someone who she truly respects and who cares about her, talk to her, otherwise I highly doubt she'd listen. From the way you described her, she reminds me of a more emotionally challenged version of your mother as a teenager."

Beck nodded. "I can't stand the idea of even thinking of what I'd do without her around. She's such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I'll do anything possible to get her help."

"If you'd like to, I can recommend a few free teen help centers in the area. Some of the kids I've worked with have gone to them. You don't need to tell her parents if she goes, and I think it might be one of the best ways of getting help." Sophie worked at Planned Parenthood and often talked to at-risk teens about their difficulties.

The two finished their drinks and Beck ate his scone, while they talked about other topics: a play Beck had recently been in, how Marielle was doing, and how their favorite soccer teams were faring in the play-offs.

When Beck and Sophie got back home, Beck immediately went to his room to think about Jade. He stared at the ceiling and leafed through her notebook for hours, thinking.

The gears in his mind were turning, and he finally made his decision.

He alone could help Jade West survive.

**I apologize if the spacing's a bit weird.**


End file.
